A Girl Like Me is Impossible to Find :)

see what see wat i wrote.

Boo boo bankie!!garrr!!pika-pika!!!garrr!grrrr!!pika?!tata?!rrrarrr..pikachuu...boo boo bankie!!

which basically means...Boo boo bankie!!garrr!!pika-pika!!!garrr!grrrr!!pika?!tata?!rrrarrr..pikachuu...boo boo bankie!!..wateva dat means..juz feel like spewing out baby cum pocket monsters' vocabulary howeva limited i haf ar.boo boo bankie!!

anyway,monkey went off for his long-awaited cruise today at star virgo.will be back on sunday.i hope thru this short weekend on board,he could 4get the love he has for me,n move on n find a new girl that he has promised me...n where am i gonna find a new guy like i had promised the same to him?*tinks*anyway,i'm not in the mood for love now or later..

watched ms.congeniality2 wif him yesterday(which was Not nice compared to the first one..lemme rephrase.it is not nice period) n i was pretty shocked when i saw somethin in his eyes tat was threatenin to fall when i met him..*deep thoughts*but i shall keep that personal.its not fair to us that we haf to end up this way.n knowin that its not fair is juz garrrar..boo boo bankie!

n i reiterated my reasons for choosing him over my religion..even though the reasons seemed unacceptable n unreasonable to him..*frowns*i'm sorry it hurts monkey..

the reasons were as follow
1)i dont want to give up my religion and be with you because what happens if you die on me someday and i'll have nothing at all-no religion,no you.i might as well die coz life is then meaningless.

2)religion is part of me.if i throw my religion away,i'll throw myself away..n u said u accept mi for who i am

3)religion keeps my life in line from wat i can and cannot do..i follow my emotions..without my religion,i'll b out there screwin my life from all angles..n i wont give a damn either.

4)i need somethin to believe in,n i wanna continue believing wat i've been taught to believe since i was born..n believin in myself is not enough dear..

i need to know why people die and leave mi to cope on my own..i need to know that when they die,its not juz coz of old age or medicinal failures..i need to believe that they die because God loves them more than i do..plus i dont want them to just die n rot in the ground n be eaten by bacteria n thats it.coz i know there is more than 'that's it'..n i need to know that there is a reason why is it that they are the ones dying,and not me?n why i cannot take their places instead..why is it they must be the ones in pain n not me?when these people are so much important than me,myself n i put together..

5)n i need to believe in hope n there is God looking out for me no matter how busy he is lookin out for others,n no matter how inferior i am as his follower..n that miracles and stuff happens for a reason..that my sister is the way she is because of some reason that my family n i haf not yet know..some surprise or reason that God is hidin from us for now..n why is it my mother must be the one in charge of takin care of my sister all her life,sacrificing her Own life in the process when she could have seek enjoyment n other pleasures in life..i need answers,n if i cant have them now,i need to have the faith to find them later in life...n only God can help me find the faith i need to go thru this journey called 'life' wif His guidance God willings.

i know the reasons are impractical n to an extent,unreasonable.but as long as i haf my religion,n i haf my faith,that is enough for me to continue living..for me,for you,for my family,n for my religion..even if it means the only way i can have you is deep inside my heart thats all.its better than losing my religion n my faith n having you n sooner or later, i May lose you thru death. therefore i'll lose everything n haf nothing..like u said,no one lives foreva..dear.

n yea,i believe in the afterlife and akhirat;where everyone big small rich poor humble arrogant will be judged for their deeds on earth..n then,there'll b sweet justice.

n i found out so much more from our talk yesterday that reaffirmed my love for u has not been wasted.n that wateva i know of you is the pure truth.you're stronger than you thought you are monkey,n for that,i noe the girl whom you'll marry one fine day will be the luckiest girl in the world.For if u said that u can be there for yourself and also for the love of your life(if she is willing to sacrifice her religion)n believe in both of yourselves to live lives to the fullest without religions holding u n her back,thats when i noe how much you really love her.me.but i guessed i'm too selfish to give up my religion just for the sake of mere human love.

i'm sorry
thank you 4 loving me

posted by Siti Nuraishah @ 12:53 AM