A Girl Like Me is Impossible to Find :)

my real friends are not including you.

Lyana's words struck a chord with me on friday's nite when i met up with dayah and her. love the 2 dears from screenbox btw.go for your dreams girl, i'm living mine..as much as i'm putting up wif a nightmarish org.

"Being at home gave me a lot of time to think. And somehow, i figured out who my real friends are, and who's not" - Lyana.

Y'know beb, that's true. Though i did not managed to go crazy like you sometimes do at times (byk bersabar ye), i managed to Know who my real friends are and why, and who's not...and here is what i figured out, as harsh as it is, as true as it has been since a few years ago, i was just in denial, wantin to continue seeing the gd in ppl and all that shit.

My jc Friends suck. Nt the frennies, huiling Or rena or my tkd guys, though meeting up can be a rarity, some of us tries and tries hard, even all the way frm australia on her semestral breaks eg mingsia, and that to me is good enough. Those who don't, too bad, we're not as Important as we would like to think we are. Howeva, Who i'm talking about are pretty much comes frm my own race. Because good friends, or even friends don't send sms that goes the following (uncensored by her or me):

"Eh wait, you're single???!!No longer with that shorty??!! Hey,that's GOOOD NEWSS for me and Norisha!!! Wlcm to the Nunnyhood!! haha

When i replied her what Exactly she meant by me and Norisha, this is what i got:

Eh wait,are you upset? (No i'm laughing in glee bitch) We always thought you deserved someone better!!"

WE?

It's friends like these whose smses I saved so that i can look back and not make the same mistakes of making or trusting...make that coming across such friends ever again.

"Sorry if i make you upset but i'm not sorry for saying what i just did. You deserved someone better than him" So am i supposed to thank you for your honesty, unchecked and unbalanced and unthoughtFul as it is?

Bitch. Don't say I deserve someone better when You meet me Hardly Twice Per 2 Years. Don't Judge my ex-bf just because you met him less than TWO occasions (and he's not sociable to you or maybe others..as though you don't have a fuckin flaw of yr own which if i can accept as his girlfriend, who are you to say otherwise) and fuck, Don't say I deserve someone Better when you don't Even Bother to Be there for me whether I'm single OR NOT or whatever mood or whateva shape my heart is or was in.

And Don't Say "Hey i don't regret saying what i did" just because you Thought you know who i am, or you fuckin believe someone is better for me. Because on top of it all, you don't fucking know me or my ex-bf at all, Bitch~.

And all i did was to wish you a birthday sms on ur birthday.

While celebrating the fact that its your birthday, You celebrated the fact that its the pieces of my heart you're Dancing on, not that you really care don't you, because you (and maybe a lot of other ppl too) thinks I DESERVE SOMEONE BETTER...Even if i Do, who the Fuck are you to Judge..because even my parents who borned and bred and feed and clothe me all these years don't even judge....

just like Who are You to judge that 'Mats are the sampah (rubbish) of masyarakat (society)' which i rmbered you saying a few years ago...i even wrote it down to think wth you meant by that...Even if i think that mats can be so unoriginal, i don't think they're rubbish as you simply waved them off jz like that, because they're a part of wateva malay minority population that we have in singapore...and now you're hitting the pubs too and smoking away recently just because you think its so cool (for an Educated Local Tertiary Student, you're sure are fucking dumb on the meaning of 'cool' arent you).

Go figures, check your own dirty underwear before you comment on others' bitch.

I guess what hurts worse was believing the fact that you as a friend, you would maybe tried to Empathise even a nano bit(though i really don't need anyone's pity) what i received instead a celebration dance from you.

wlcm to the nunnyhood? Do you think Norisha, as educated as she is (and all the more) than you wants to even be part of your nunnyhood? you're so in a world of your own, arent you, together wif the overpowering pungent odours of ur sch chem lab which, in the process ruin your thought processes, heart and feelings too? So nah, gladly push such offers back to you...i don't need one that's running its organisation without a heart or sincerity. and wat u termed it as, its nt a nunnyhood, its more like 'desperately single, with a degree, and without a heart' uber lame guild association?

I don't need a friend like you existing in my life. it's literally a waste of space, time and memories in my life where like everyone else, i'm living on borrowed time.

posted by Siti Nuraishah @ 9:19 PM