Menganggur...
"Kata nak menganggur dengan mama di rumah. Nanti siti keje, papa keje, mama sorang kat rumah dengan adik lagi" - Mama
Statements like the above puts me in a dire state; As much as i need to come up with the dough for my degree, i need to take into considerations her feelings too.
"Alah. you've schooled for so long so it's normal that she tends to melepaskan rindu now that you're around" - Raihan
Suffice to say; I'm in a dilemma. So how long should i continue to 'menganggur' at home? On one hand, i have my dad's Unsubtle signs to get out of the house and look for a job. On the other, i have her feelings to consider...especially after my brother treated with so much ill-respect and prevented the kids from seeing her for almost 3wks now...
"Sampai hati abang kau buat mama macam gini eh. Tak kasi budak2 jumpa mama dah 3 minggu" - Mama
I missed them too ...so much...Maybe i had known subconsciously that this would happen when i fell asleep wif Fina, my youngest niece on the sofa 3 wks ago when she came...because now i don't know when else i can see her. and god knows what poison my brother has fed his kids. Like He believes, everything that has happened is Never his fault. Including the breaking down of his own family. N he dared to invoke self-pity on his new wife that he has no family unlike me. Kesiannye, Dah miskin, bodoh sombong pulak. We'll see how long He can last, since his new wife is due to give birth any moment...
At least God is Fair. Though she did not see the kids for 3 wks, it was her 3rd lesson mengaji at my madrasah this afternoon...though at first it involved a few hand-twisting on my own ... anything to distract her from her pain...
"Sememangnya setiap roh yg dilahir di dunia telah buat MOU dengan Allah di alam rahim, walaupun dia sekarang mungkin adalah seorang atheist. Bila dia dalam kesusahan/keperitan, he will still mention Oh god atau lean back on apa yang dipelajarinya sejak kecil daripada ibu/bapanya samada buddism ataupun agama-agama lain" - Ustazah on the delusions of atheists who'll eventually fall back on god/religion or what he has been brought up to believe in as was taught by their parents...
which was pretty interesting to tink abt...
and yes, i cannot get him out of my system still...damn...
aww, and by being constantly in my thoughts, you're affecting my prayers too and does this mean i've caused you sin. damn if i do then...
"Nabi Muhammad sudah bersabda bahawa pilihlah calon suami/isteri yang daripada keturunan yang suci (this is where your ustaz is right, syida) Tetapi Atas segala-galanya, pilihlah mereka jikalau pegangan agama mereka baik dan seiman dengan mu" - Ustazah
Aww...he's a perfect candidate then...Howeva, same cant be said for me.... I shud've cast in stone the eclairs he gave me for free a few months ago...hm hm..Perfections like him are like flickering spots on my radar screen...it blinks and it shall stay as blinks...because i have no intention to introduce him to my imperfect world that's full of sejarah hitam. We shall stay as classmates..at least for 2 more years till we graduate?...it's perfect that way...
Aww...
posted by Siti Nuraishah @ 1:46 AM
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