internal matches
zi'm blogging..continuously,consecutively..haha..maybe i shud go to my other blogs where i can blog my deeper stuff instead.."Even though today is hard to bear,someday it'll be a tender memory"-FB's soundtrack
dat is the most truest quote i ever heard,and each time i'm feelin down these days ..i'll tink abt that quote n struggle to smile..
one thing abt me is dat i dun like conflicts,never do,never like..n i try hard nt to get ppl upset wif me..n if u multiply the no.of ppl i haf and i love in my life..its a constant internal conflict deep inside..
when i was in sec sch..whenve i get upset,i'll juz make it clear to others to juz do one thing..leave me alone,dun ask wats wrong wif me..cos i'll get over it soon..i'll walk away,go home or somewhere else..after awhile,ok liaoz..nowadays,maybe ppl love me more (haa!) ..i noe jasper do..bt when i try to put my words together,somehow it'll end up upsetting him or others..then i becum upset n tot i shouldnt haf open my mouth..yep,so dats my 2nd internal struggle..to talk,or nt to talk..cos i know if i really open my mouth,dats it,it'll shoot arrows n no matter hw blunt..it'll still hurt ppl la..dats y i rather shuddup most of the time..
3rd internal struggle is nt having enuf time to spend wif the ppl i love..multiply that again and i'm constantly stressed..yet i'm nt willing to give up any of them,esp my mum..TEP is so tiring,and when i get home after dinner wif jasper usually,it'll b ard 10 n i'll struggle to stay up,talk to my mum,acc her to send my nephew back to Chai chee..even though i'm bloody tired..if this is the way workin life'll be,i tink i might as well go dig graves...my own too..
same goes to my friends..nw TEP split us into diff.grps,sometimes i cant really tok to other ppl whu's nt my grp much,then i'll feel quite down..or i cant go home or go haf lunch wif them (cos i'm usually wif jasper,n morning,lunch,dinner is the only time i can see him AT ALL;he works on weekends)..as compared i can at least see n be wif my classmates durin the in-betweens periods..or even get 2 meet up my non-poly friends after sch..like norisha,i'm bloody sorry la i keep turnin u down tis wk cos of fatigue,late releases,n wat nots..i noe she understands,bt sometimes i get v.guilty when i cant seem to spend enuf time wif those i wanna spend wif..damn TEP..
4th ar..4th ar..is managing btw my friends n jasper lor..i noe he's nt exactly the friendliest guy on the planet to my friends esp..n though i try..i really try to make him be..the simplest way is juz to..nt take offence if he seems dao ba..i'm nt apologisin for his attitude cos i shouldnt..bt he treats me gd,to me dats enuf..isn't it?howeva,he's gd to val n yun..dun ask mi y..jus nid time..i guess..
then agn,time is nt on my side these days..
"Assure me it's ok to use my heart and not my eyes
To navigate the darkness
Will the ending be ever coming suddenly?
Will I ever get to see the ending to my story?"-
posted by Siti Nuraishah @ 3:29 AM
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