A Girl Like Me is Impossible to Find :)

Haywired dreams

as time passes by for me,i haf not much clue as to what i 'desire' to be..and like they always say,if u haf no dreams,you're basically a failure in life rite from the start...the more panicky i get when i realise i wanna be that,bt i cant b that b'coz of dot dot dot dot dot..i wanna be like dat bt i Dont have dot dot dot dot dot..i wish i can be like dat but i'm not that Smart or Rich or Lucky enuf to haf X to become the Y whom i wanna be...then i realise that its all in me to be who i wanna be,and not depends on materialistic n worldy stuff to help me be who i wanna b..n i only hope dat it isnt to late to be who i wanna be..n in the meantime,i'm still tryin to figure out what i wanna be..-despair-..its all in me,but sometimes i dunno who's 'me' ..Time is precious,n though mine is not clearly stated tat its runnin out..well,basically everyone is runnin out of time for their lives as life is juz one second..and another,and another..

wen i grew up,i know i wanna b a Protector,save the world..i wanna be the Yellow Ranger wif her Saber tooth tiger..but i cant fly,and well,the saber tooth is extinct anyway..now almost 20,i still wanna be the protector..of my loved ones,friends,families,even animals..bt tats not enuf..i can b a nurse n hold the hands of the dying or ailing till they depart..bt i'm scared of needles..i can probably enlist in the army or police force..but i'm 6cm too short to serve the nation(requirement is 1.58m -.-)....Y do u need to haf a ht requirement to serve the nation anyway?o.o! i'm always in the front line of defence when it comes to ..erm,games..n i guessed tats me..though Jasper always told mi to stay back n be careful for idiotic's sake..(wen we play games i mean)..so how..

wen i'm in sch,i always knew i want to write or be in a creative environment(like the media industry)..surround me wif somethin to write,research or explore or learn and i'll probably b contented..dig a new hole,write an essay,explore frontiers,go to some nation who badly needs aid..wateva,i dun mind...i tink ..er i noe thats the problem wif me..i dun mind Anything,as long as i can feed my family and i'm happy in the environment..just another 'bo chap' person not able to pinpoint her dreams n ambitions..do i need to go into details..mayb then i'll learn abt myself more..hmm

wen i'm young(after power ranger fantasy turned into mere fantasy)i wanted to wk wif animals..be a zoologist or better still,a vet..my mum used to tell others;next time when i'm sick,my daughter will cure me wif her animals medicines -.-..then i found out that singapore has no 'zoology or vet' degree..n since overseas studies havent enter my naive world yet,i gave up on that dream (sad)

then i fantasised abt being a marine biologist in my lower sec.sch days..sounds cool ritez though i dunno wat the hell the job actually is at that time..so i Dedicatedly looked it up,and hey not bad,sounds cool..it still deals wif nature..but hold on,it deals with (horror!) Sharks!..Jellyfishes!..and another world altogether underneath the sea..nvm it still sounds not bad..so i studied hard to get my grades up to enter 3e2(supposedly haf a long runnin tradition of a pure chem n pure bio combi)..but Upper sec.came ard and 3e2 became a 'pure physics n pure chem' class for MY Year only in yr 2000(i am so darn 'lucky') so i never touch biology until todayy..n i realised there's no 'marine biology' degree or dip in singapore either..so another dream gave up juz like dat..am i blamin the education system?well tentatively,but more b'coz of my naive mindset tat since no singapore dip/degree,no materialisation of those dreams..

then i went into jc b'coz i dunno wat i wanna be yet and being mere 16,taking a diploma in some poly abt some specialised course(eg business,it,eng,..etc) that will probably point u that one way throughout ur entire life is frankly quite a turn off..so off to jc i went ^^..n i saw tis *awesome* scholarship namely the Defence Merit scholarship(for women)..whoa,whoa not bad horrr..though it needs 4 a'levels n a special paper,i literally dreamt on..landin nowhere near the scholarship or even local uni hee..ok now i felt super pathetic of my past (>.<)

then i was out of jc n b4 poly..my sister's teacher recommend mi to work 6mth in their special school n frm there i will b sent to NIE to do a diploma in special school education or somethin like dat..which i contemplated for few mths..n i realised if i'm goin to take up the offer,i'm gonna be there for the rest of my life..its a gd job,servin the community n teaching these special kids(they really are special =))..bt its probably a one way street..n i still wanna explore my options so i did..bt i made a mental note tat if i switch careers midlife,i'll take up that offer for real

now i'm in nyp,in a media field..whoa,not bad,things are lookin up it seemed..so many jobs,one small industry -.-..its ok,can still go into IMC n become another 't4'(uck)..not bad still,i'm enjoyin my time here..probably enjoyin too much till my grades are not 'superb'..left 1 more semester of work then its attachment for 1 year..bt i still dunno wat i really wanna do..*wails*..

tat is the details of my past dreams gone haywired..basically its juz mi not havin enuf passion or steam i guessed ..mayb i'll b a politician like my physics teacher predict i will be..ha ha ha!!..

since i'm already in the martial arts field,n i'm learnin archery..n i noe horseriding..maybe i'll go britain n join their police force there,paradin ard on horseback, eatin dunkin donuts n gettin fat har har har~

posted by Siti Nuraishah @ 2:41 AM