A Girl Like Me is Impossible to Find :)

so much pain,so little time,so fuckin sad

For the past 3months odd chock full of nonsense n bullshit from my dear family,i totally fuckin hate my life..esp the fact tat not onli it ruins wateva respect i haf for my brother Or his wife..or the fact that my dad and i had to be the 'Hated ones' because we arent as accomodating and sympathetic as my doting Mum to my brother's family plight..Seriously,its nt like we never or we dun try lor..but when He or his WIFE dun even give a damn abt Their kids(who are in fact the REAL sufferers in their nonsense) wat are we to do?

Seriously,its not like my father had never tried to sympathetise wif the kid..He's even willing to let the KID grow up if things really worsen n they really divorce or wateva shit...bt wat he saw whenever he's home is basically wat i see most of the time; the kid or Kids are left like Totally in OUR care while their parents are SUMWHERE ard BT never at home doing what they are supposed to do-which is to put the KIDS n their welfares as the most impt..n when the KID or Kids is/are around,my mum's attention span like TOTALLY forced to divert on the KID or kids who has grown up Spoiled n demanding my MUm's attention when he,she or THEY are ABLE-bodied enuf to do wat they want her to do..on their own la..AS COMPARED to my Sister who is TOTALLY noT independent due to her situation...n sad to say,this matter simply RUINS my relationship wif my mum these days lah..when i noe that SIS has not EATEN the whole day,or BATHE the whole day just because Mum was too busy to Entertain the spoiled able-bodied KID or KIDS..so much so dat sometimes i had to REMIND her of it n this makes her unhappy somehow even if its true...n this in turns makes Mi unhappy coz i'm her DAUGHTER and i shouldnt be Saying or Pointing out her "flaws"..

and sometimes i know i am the 'hated one' in the eye of my nephew or niece because simply,i DO not tolerate their nonsense such as orderin my mum to Fetch them a cup of water, or refusing to bathe just because they can refuse and irritate my mum further..or worse,TRAUMATISE my two Cats because they think themselves so great n powerful wif their limbs n "weapons" at hand...n so i am the "SCREAMER" n sometimes i Scream out of bound like 'Y are you mean to the cats?/Y cant u fetch the water urself/'..I mean i noe they're like 6 or 8,but wat kind of ppl will they grow up to be if they grow up thinkin that they have the rights to Order ppl around or abuse animals smaller than them?

and i tried not to be the 'hated one' especially when i noe their parents are just so involved in their divorce proceedins n nonsense that they Literally put aside the kids feelings..for example,my Nephew is like having health problems for some time, n EACH of them PROMISED to bring him to the clinic Since the problems if left unattended,will become more serious..BUt No,they TRIED to Avoid One another,Or waited for ONE another to bring the kid...In the end,both Never bring because they were so busy Avoiding each other that they FORGOT that they HAD Promised the KID..i REITERATED:Promised their OWN kid they will be ARound to pick HIm up...and for the WHole weekend,they NEVER did..n even if my Bro dropped by n made another Promise to bring the kid out to his friend's house,in the end he just walked away n left the kid Cryin in our care because he tinks that HIS KID is too TALKATIVE and Noisy to bring to his friend's house...Hell,it hurts like ALOT not just to the kid.Mi watchin it cant even tahan la. How selfish can adults be right?He AND SHe promised the KID and he even dressed like super early just to wait for the mother to Pick him up,and she never DID...i dowan to say that i stepped in n took HIM out for almost the Entire WHOLE weekend(because Each of his parent Promised to bring him out on Either days,but Both never did) but thats wat i did..because simply,the KID do not deserve it,no matter how mean or spoiled he can be sometmies...kaoz,so young got betrayed by his parents who are too selfish to sit down n properly tink abt the kids n how they are feeling rite now...

and basically,tis is my last classical semester after all and i am laggin behind in Azhar,SSL and even AHchak because i am simply too stressed out to sit down properly n look at the notes..basically i kept runnin away from it or involvin myself in all the projects tat we haf to submit n not really sit down n study for the upcoming tests in like 2 wks...

to conclude,its like my mum n my nephew VS. my dad and I sometimes..coz my dad n I do not tolerate his or my brother's nonsense n even if we Tried to tolerate,tehre is a Limit after all.i'm juz so ruinin the relationship btw my mum n i la these days n its fuckin killin mi la..i'm tryin hard to understand my mom's POV bt sometimes,it gts too fuckin much n the picture gets too fuckin blurry to even bother..esp when the main guardians are nt even ard,or even carin that their only son is very very traumatised n sick.

*stressed*

posted by Siti Nuraishah @ 12:09 AM