A Girl Like Me is Impossible to Find :)

I cannot Hanyut because of them

Tis the reason why i'm flying off with a heavy heart...and they're the reason why i refuse to fly off to anywhere at all...for i always have this phobia that my sis will leave me for good when i'm somewhere unreachable or cant be home within 1 hr(namely overseas)

and my mum's demam and especially so with her ear "infection" problem...it must've been so bad that when i suggested going to the doctor yesterday,she agreed immediately...and 90% of the time she refuse to go to the clinic ..biar me mengamuk or what, she's too stubborn to care abt her own health and frustrates me to the core!!

and They're the reason why I have no faith in malay guys because both my mum, sis and me don't seemed to get any cooperation AT ALL from him..Yes,i know he loves us but when it boils down to the crunch, he's hardly there for us.

like that time, my sis was hospitalised and he scolded me over the fon that my sister was troublesome and had to land into the hospital..And he cannot come to visit us Because he has a lot of work to do!! At that time,i did not know he did not mean it (i wasnt wise ..and i'm still not) and that episode Sealed my distrust on depending on guys basically...His love for mi or maybe us is now more obvious (hopefully as Nina pointed out; he lunch wif me on fridays) not because fo his own initiative..bt i suspect it's cos of the letter i wrote for him on his birthday..even though i gt a hell of a scolding during hari raya tis year...

and as much as i feel that ppl troubles my mum repeatedly,i do look upon myself and know that i'm not faring much better in caring for her either..i mean,if i am really so gd a daughter as i Shud be,she wun be in this sickly state right..so much more for mi to "protect" her from the ppl whu's hurtin her...heck,i'm hurting her as much too i so know....being at the frontline of Her defence is so much worse but there's nowhere else to run,neither do i want to run...but when it comes down to the boiling pt,the crunch time, i'm a lousy daughter too indeed.

and i'm flyin off for an entire week...shit..i hope i come back in 1 piece,and i hope my sister will still be ard when i come back. Please. Or i'll half-hanyut for sure..

Sometimes i think without them in my life, i'll have hanyut (lost)a long time ago for sure..thats why my friends are my backup life support system...right val? I thank god that i have friends whu don't lead me astray..though at times i pull away back into my corner of the world..

oh, i got a new niece today...my brother's 4th child,with his 2nd wife..my mum confided in me she's nt as happy as she had been when she gt her 3rd grandchild..ah duhh..neither am i mama..neither am i..

and another sad thing i wondered..if my parents'll ever haf the opportunity to play wif My child..if i ever get married tat is..my brother is so damn lucky he's blind to his fortunes..like he's blind to the fact that his eldest 2 kids were able to get to know my late grandfather...and my late grandfather married him off to (in his 1st marriage)...As much as my bro claims he got "no family" like me, at least he gt the memories installed,downloaded and burnt into His life..the way i cant and never will have.

posted by Siti Nuraishah @ 1:42 AM