A Girl Like Me is Impossible to Find :)

Cruelty in my life

"One of the ill effects of cruelty is that it makes the bystanders cruel” - Thomas Fowell Buxton

Walking away from her moments after i fed her makes me feel so damn cruel...i know in her eyes she don't understand y is it that i'm leaving once again..or why her life of 4 years turned upside down 2 years ago due to her parents' divorce...at her tender age, it tears me apart to see her being torn apart that it makes me wonder; are her parents blind or just shrouded in walls of self-pity that they are helpless at helping their children grow up to the best of their abilities...looking at her lost eyes when my eyes fell upon her this evening...i knew deep down she is really lost...yet miraculously, her memory jiggle her back to recognise Her grandmother and Me, her aunt..step aunt rather...and for a short span of time, its Fina once again...playing happily with my cousin,zuhri like the yg child that she is..even her pacify(overgrown for her age) was forgotten...yet as she pranced around, certainly the hollowness in her stands out so starkly it slices me to look at her...

walking away frm her, it tears me apart...and by her side, her brother,8, sulked miserably that he couldnt stay over at my cousin's place...the adults reasonate that his mum will throw a FUcking bitch fit,digging out wateva's goes on in my bro's household over the weekend that all 3 siblings stay over...as much as my eldest niece,10 do not want to tell her...it breaks my heart when Nina,10 tells us that she still wants to live with her father (my brother)...bt as the law goes, it'll jz probably be a dream that stays a dream...the law gives mothers the 1st right to claim the children,and the right to let Her choose who to take care of the children if she's deemed unfit...it'll nvr be the father,unless she gives them up on her own free will, or if the father is rich and smart enuf to engage a private lawyer...sumthin that somehow my brother's alwas wanna do,bt nvr haf enuf money to do..whats wif havin a new wife,child and house all at the same time...

Cruel. and ppl wonders why i'm bitter when they don't even noe what i have to go thru in my life. snorts. it's ok.

posted by Siti Nuraishah @ 1:43 AM