A Girl Like Me is Impossible to Find :)

Bad Mood Weekend

I've been in a bad mood all weekend..still am actually. And i don't know why...and i've been staring into space..ALOT..my mum caught me twice.

I don't know why...i even moped when i brought my mum out yesterday to IKEA Tampines with my uncle n his family...refused to eat supper even though i was damn hungry and i didn't had lunch. I think my 8 yr old cousin's 'mengada-ness' influenced me..then again, the stalls were closing shop so i couldn't get my beef kway teow or hor fun from both stalls i wanted to order from..

i'm having gastric again...my 'nasi goreng ikan bilis' is waiting for mi in the kitchen bt i'm still delaying myself..i hope i wun get gastric flu again.

N it riles me the fact that my brother manages to piss me off and get away with it...and get away with being rude to my parents (or rather, OUR mother) and get away with his wife coming up to our house to get FREE food every day...and he's still getting away with it...what is his fucking problem..IF HE DON'T LIKE MY FATHER OR ME, then what is his problem with treating OUR MUM THAT WAY...e.g hanging up the phone on her, making her worry for him every single day..what the FUCK does he want? IF HE WANTS MY MUM TO DIVORCE MY DAD, WILL HE ASSUME RESPONSIBILITY FOR HER IN THE DAYS AFTER?!

Like i told my mum, how long does he want to keep his hatred that his mum married my father 22 years ago?! Does making my mum suffer all this while HIS FORM OF REVENGE?

Ma: "his wife said that he'll ask for forgiveness when hari raya comes around"

me: Wowee, is that the only day where one can seek forgiveness? is it written in the holy Al-quran because i've never heard of it (no matter how little my knowledge of it is)

News flash: It's YOUR MUM TOO. and hello, the world DON'T revolve around you alone. and hello, how long are you going to blame everyone else INCLUDING YOUR MUM for YOUR fucking problems?

Like fuck, do you even realise a MINISCULE of the extent of mum's misery because of your actions?

JERK. and the part i hate the most; having to 'lie low' and not kill him for the sake of not hurting my mum who's feeling caught in between my father, me and him. That day at the hospital i have to Extend the Olive branch so that my mum might feel better. AND i don't like having to lecture my mum about his attitude because i know it only hurts her more ..i'm so fucking confused..

See where it got us both? It just made him worse. Worse still, my dad has to Shake his hand in greeting when he bumped into my brother yesterday because my brother refuse to make the first move.

JERK. The last time i tried to made him known my feelings..he simply replied the following;

'oh,i don't want to disturb your family because like your father said, i only create trouble for mum. tell mum not to worry about me.' LIKE FUCK. tell that to mama yourself la. why try to inflict self-pity when it seems every single day your wife to come up here so that both of your stomaches (and the unborn baby) can be filled? And hello, don't try to inflict self-pity with such a dumb messsage. it's obvious you want attention no matter how much you think you can handle without it.

Hello, you grew up pampered with all the love being showered upon you all uncles, aunties and grandma. N now you've been stepping on their heads almost every single one.

*infuriated* i am seriously bloody pissed. AGAIN.

posted by Siti Nuraishah @ 7:08 PM