A Girl Like Me is Impossible to Find :)

Lethargy in Love

As i made my way back home today after a night out with the dearies (and meeting up with yun after her u.s work stint/holiday!!) i came to the maybe sad realisation that though guys are nice to look at, crush at, bt not to be with...at this period of time in my life, Love is a want that i do not need. Relationship love is so overrated, nt helping is hw its freely portrayed by the media...My interest in guys and being with them has totally dropped like the mercury bulb in the thermometer when stuffed inside a beaker of ice...

maybe it was the bad times i kept reflectin on in my prev relationship that turns me off...maybe it was the weaknesses that surfaced in me and him and the thought that when i finally could depend on someone, the carpet was pulled out frm me WHILE some ppl whom i thought were friends, stood aside and clapped for the "gd news"...maybe it was the PR stuff i had to deal with btw Jasper and my huge bunch of relatives (LOL!) not to mention friends who thought that i "definitely deserves a better guy" pffft...

and after that, the only new guy friend i made was tis guy whu turned up wif his gf b'cos he wanted a favour from me...and he whineD to me abt hw hard up he was at work, and hw his manager is nt being fair to him...who thought that its OK to talk and meet girls out b'cos his gf wont mind b'cos his gf don't know abt it in the first place...kelakar bt true

and now there's another guy, a freelance photographer (whom i've nvr met) whu asked me out last wk bt i turned his offer down ...and the new guy in my friendster whu wants to go "on a religious journey" with me ...interesting offer to note, bt nahh...friends are asking me to consider guys left and right, "he's not bad what, just the kind you want" nahh..though i really, really appreciate the kind thoughts (what are real friends for right; i love you all) i know deep down, i'm just not interested

Then again, some part of mi seemed to be waiting for this guy for some time now...actually quite a long time...even when i was with jasper...whenever jasper and me bumped into rough times, every wk i saw him and thought maybe he could be a better deal for me...religious, sweet, man enough to tell me his weaknesses (though we really don't communicate all that much funnily enuf)man enuf to noe his role in the family...bt he don't really take initiative...and i heard from ustazah that he's in the process of wooing some girl during some awards show earlier this yr...oh well, gd luck to him then...at least he gave me hope (asides from the 'no initiaive' part) that guys like him do exist if i ever feel like getting back into the dating game...

Like they say, there are some things in life you have to hold on to, and there are some things you have to let go...i can just see myself in the process of being an old hag starting from now...i can live with that. there's always books, cats, so many stuff to do and helping others to curb off any loneliness or despair i bog myself down with frm time to time...like now LOL

bt i will treasure what my ex-colleague ocne told me: "Be with a guy whom you can talk with about anything under the sun"...she shud noe, she's 50+ and still goes out on dates with her husband...i guessed she knew right from the start that i won't last long with jasper. bless her.

If its meant to be, it will be. But for now, I need more strength. and more holidays.

posted by Siti Nuraishah @ 12:32 AM