A Girl Like Me is Impossible to Find :)

Holy facades 0 - knowing the real you 1...

Tonight, i coined the term, 'holy facades'. I believe that says it all. And when the facade is shredded, it's quite amusing to see they're actually crap deep inside.sad.

especially when i respect them.with sincerity.because i myself am not that religious.at all.

Like hey, get real. Each of us is human. so act like one. It's ridiculous to find out when one is actually not, despite acting high and mighty for a day or two, a week or two, before the facade is broken.

Then i see you. for real. and it's not pretty. sad.

For the record, i'm not holy in any way. i'm not a good girl, i'm not a decent girl although i try my best to keep to my prayers times; prayers are what separate us from animals, and with prayers, every 1 feels a peace of mind.somehow, no matter in what variation of the prayer ritual that they perform.

I get mad, but i don't get even. For that's not my job; it's Allah's. and i love my mum. it's not the easiest thing to do. it's my duty,cos she carried me around for 8 mths +. and raised me up. i have no excuses to make her cry, nor disappoint her in any way. i hope to dry her tears till my last breath. because it's the only thing i could do while others, like her dear S_ _ makes them.

I just try my best. that is all.

Many a time, i fall, and I fail too. Still, I'm trying too.

It would be easier if I have a pillar of support to lean against, at times. but i don't. i had to be one while waiting for the rest who should be the pillars, get their acts together.

In the quran, it stated that the path to sirotol mustaqim (the middle path towards His love) is a lonely path.

Still, i do hope that i'll be amongst those who reaches nearer to His love. together, with my family and dear friends. Insyallah, 1 fine day.

Till then, delete this holy facade and get real.

Ego and religion do not sleep in the same bed.

Still, i try not to let others colour my judgment. even if 'they' refers to my girl-friends whom i trust and should trust. It's hard, but i wanna see you for who you are, continue to respect you for whom i believe you really are, deep inside.

For these few days, you've given me the peace i hope i've come to find. like finally. now let it last, insyallah.

I'm taking a risk to know you the way I want to know you. Let's just hope what I've known of you, in my own view, is true.because others are saying otherwise. and it's not pretty.

and I don't want to know. Still, let me fall. Rewards are greater with greater risks. Insyallah.

Like the sufi saying goes; "The deep ocean holds treasure. If you want safety, stick to the shore"

so.between disappointment, fear of holding back, fear of being toyed with and other useless negative thinking, let's just say, bring it on, cos I'm game. to continue finding you, knowing you.more.and i like what i've known so far thru the twilight conversations that we had lately.

i've always love twilight conversations =).

Last word: I try my best not to judge. So, show me you deserve my respect that I've given you, right from the start.you and you. that makes two.

i may end up wif 0, but at least i would have known.you.

posted by Siti Nuraishah @ 1:52 AM