A Girl Like Me is Impossible to Find :)

Tonight's thoughts...

I'm feeling a bit down tonight and I have no one to really want to chat to so I guessed it's back to reality for me. feeling alone that is, but i shall sleep soon so i can forget about this feeling.

Anyway, valentina said the sweetest thing tonight. She sort of blurt it out and if i didn't listen carefully, i would've missed it. She said something to this effect.

"He wasn't a good guy for her. A little bit immature. Both of us (yun and her) hopes she would find someone who'll take care of her and keep her safe." ...something like that.

And i wanted to cry! Cos it was so random because all 3 of us were interrogating Jerry on his ideal girl and the conversation switched to jasper for awhile...i could see that they didn't want to really say so much about jas...but i didn't realise how much hurtful he was to them also, because he did not treat me right.

I'm sorry dears for putting u 2 in such a difficult spot all these years. Next time, just whack my head if my guy is not the right guy for me. It'll save time. That's all i could say =) but i love you girls anyway

God, i feel so blessed to have them as my dears. And i felt so horrible to put them in such a spot about jasper. I mean, he's not a horrible person, but i supposed everyone could see he was not right for me. except me.

And i feel pretty horrid that he is the way he is. because that is the way he is. the sort who keeps to himself and shows little interest of others...i cannot make any excuses for him. i can only say and stick by what i say that he has a beautiful heart deep inside.

And that was what made me love him for so long...but its all in the past now. may he ends up with a girl he loves, and who loves him back, much more than i could for him, insyallah.

*shrugs* And i learnt something today. It's that you should not waste time. If you are ready to settle down, you should open your heart and be receptive of who comes into your life. Open your heart, and open your mind. Cos life is that short, too damn short to be indecisive.

And it's interesting how yun and val differentiated guys into the following categories; boyfriend material and husband material. It's impossible to have a guy that possesses both. INTERESTING theory. Super interesting, i never realize that before.

To conclude, i'm not ready to settle down, not yet. but i do wish i can get rid of this stupid alone feeling because it sickens me. But i guessed it's inevitable when 98% of your dear friends are attached and hopefully, have found their other halves.

I'm truly happy for them but as a weak human, i have a tendency to fall down hard.

Changing topics, I was serious when i asked jerry if he conducts lessons for children with special needs. Because insyallah, with Allah's help (i'm so gonna need his help next year onwards...and every moment of my life) if things go my way, I'm gonna skyrocket the confidence of these special children and the ppl around them.

"Genuine change is possible. Any change in society must first begin in the individual mind and heart, with a transformation of that person's outlook. It must occur one person at a time." - 14th Dalai Lama

There, that cheered me up.

Tomorrow shall bring another new dawn. Am looking forward to opening my eyes to the blue skies that greet me every morning so good night and sweet dreams.

posted by Siti Nuraishah @ 1:04 AM