A Girl Like Me is Impossible to Find :)

I wanna set me free

Insyallah, you will one day, Jer…one day you shall find your one true love whom you cherish and insyallah, she too will love you back till the end of times…

I read my friend’s blog. I liked a part of it that said many of his friends are afraid to be tied down. It struck a chord in me how fear could be such a huge ruling emotion in us that it could either set us free, or tie us down. And I knew the latter was what I had been experiencing for most of this year. When fear sets in, our brain has a ‘flight or fight’ response. It paralyses us to think in black or white that (besides the fact prejudices set in…) it paralyssd us to the extent that we are also ruining our own happiness, which is ultimately in our hands…

I know I’ve been silly, trapping myself in a dark hole over a past that is well, past. And I know that my loved ones just want me to be happy, even if they aren’t, but so many times I fall down and I couldn’t see that the light reaching out to me, is not of an incoming train, but a hand of a friend who cares…and I know I’m too stubborn to accept such helps; it could be I’m a proud girl who refused to bother happily-attached people, but happily-attached people do not make up the whole of their personas. At other times, they’re a friend; my friend.

But to get over my fears, I know I need someone to be there. Someone whom I can call a friend, someone whom I can just share my worries, knowing that he/she would not judge me…and I am grateful I have many friends that I know who would do that just for me. So as hard as it is, I hope I can push away my frequent thought/shield, ‘I do not want to trouble him/her’ and just be real.

I’m done with the masks. It’s me, Siti Nuraishah. There’s nothing wrong with being me.

I’m easily vulnerable. But without all these pain and fear, I would not know how to stand up, and without feeling the loneliness, I would not know how to appreciate the love that I receive through my friends and family. ☺

posted by Siti Nuraishah @ 12:17 AM