A Girl Like Me is Impossible to Find :)

emotionally drained

suddenly i sat here chattin wif lihui,bf n jiali,tryin to do the designs n realised i'm drained out...emotionally..

i'm sick of watchin my mother cried w/o mi nt knowing (comfortingly)wat to say to her..i mean,she's gonna lose the children(her grandchildren) if my bro n his wife divorce..so wat can i say to that..

i'm sick of knowin that my mother is forever at the window,lookin out for my sis-in-law who switches off her phone sometimes when my mum calls..as though avoidin us..n therefore hurtin mum as a result..how i wish we live far away

i'm sick of being aware of the grief my mother is holdin deep inside due to my brother's marital problems..hardly sleep or eat or even function properly these days..i dunno wat to do..scold her will only hurt her more,which she dont need

i'm sick of hearing 'your brother is so old already yet forever giving mi problems'..hw do i respond to that?at least he's not takin drugs or anything ritez..

i'm sick of knowing my brother's shitty attitude since i knew he's been coddled n pampered by his uncles n grandma since yg thus is y he became like tis..how do i respond to that,since i never get the same treatment ritez...i guessed i cant feel envious,yet the past is like they said..continuous..n thus the result my brother is like dat..

its not like i'm not hurtin deep inside oso..like they all said,the eldest daughter look like mi..so losing her wil oso lose a part of mi ritez..n since im' considered their 'auntie' i'm coping wif the 'loss' on my own too..its enuf that i'm reelin my own emotions in to be strong for my mum..

i know i said i'll spit in the face of the law..but after i read up,i realised wif my brother's attitude n mostly his fault(regardin the separation)..the kids(almost all below 8)will automatically goes to the mother in the Muslim Syariah Court...so when 4th of Oct comes ard(the day the divorce will be finalised i tink)..i guessed its really goodbye..-hurt-

*pained* this holidays suck

posted by Siti Nuraishah @ 1:39 AM