A Girl Like Me is Impossible to Find :)

The darkest hour.

They say that the darkest hour is before dawn.

I hope it's true because I don't see any light, except for Allah SWT's. This year, things got dark, real dark within my family, and I can't help enough..

- the kids ran back to their mum & are missing school regularly
- my brother hasnt been in contact with Mum since June
- my dad... sometimes i wonder if death would be a better option for him, other than bankruptcy. for him, for us. With him, there is no longer safety, much less the love for us; the family. What centralizes his world is money. May with what he desires, he reaches it enough to return to the right path, even if we are the sacrificial goats in the process.

& in the midst of it all, like an octopus, I struggle to help stay afloat so my mum and my sis don't drown. at least not with me nor them. There are many times death seems like a better option. I'm only living because of them, for Him.

It's true, in life, there will always be more good memories than bad. There are many good things to be grateful for, especially working with special-needs, especially so situated in a school where it's not only the children need help, but the family too.

There's only so much I can do. The rest - Allah takes care.

That's what keeps me holding on. because life on Earth; it's impermanent; it's a journey we embrace, to step up. Live, then die.

There is a saying - "Die before you die.". "This year, I felt like dying so many times. I only live because I'm destined to, for a few moments longer. To complete my purpose before my time's up.

Till then, I will be ok, with His help, insyallah.

posted by Siti Nuraishah @ 2:16 AM