A Girl Like Me is Impossible to Find :)

ALl by myself...i wanna be all by myself

Never have i felt so alone as tonight...torn between the cold war that sprung out of my parents' mistrust,distrust,unlove and misunderstood communication for as long as i had been born,..20 bloody years of miscommuncaiton,unlove and mistrust and lies...have i been living a lie all this while then?...i juz wanna sit out of this whole damn thing...or at least have someone in the family to be by my side..not my brother who's occupied wif his family,and certainly my sister cant wif her condition...so i sat alone,wif my cats who fled at the first drop of temperature when my parents cross paths in our 4room flat...heck,its not a small hse,yet its not big enuf for mi to hide either...my heart feel so so stoned..i dont wanna take part can anot wah lauz..go solve it out btw u 2,take it to grandma or the courts if u must..juz let peace reign and happiness begins soon...for all of us...even if it means our happiness lies in individual paths

is it my fault..is it coz i was too involved n self-obsessed with my life to realise that they've been tearin each other's lives apart ..or have my eyes been too wolly-covered and stuffed with cotton candy and the notion of 'my happi family' to realise things have not been happy at all..is procrastinating and sitting in self-denial mode so as to maintain wat shred of peace there is in this 'family' been just that-self denial..to know that there is no trust,no love,..just tolerance and patience..for goddamn what i dunno also..i'm being patient too,but i dunno why...still in self-denial maybe...there's no one else in the family to blame but me,the daughter that breaks or makes their marriage..my sister..hm..there in her cot,she plays in her own world..or cries when she has to face the harsh realities of the real world..like gettin fits,or being injected wif needles..or when her basic needs are not complied in time..or when dad is not around to comfort her...conclusion;she is the link that makes him come home ...i think...*shrugs*dunno,y he comes home anyway ar....is there another side to this unfair judgment i'm being forced to reckon wif especially wif my mum's POV so strong in tis matter,and his a silent one...

just give us the truth dammiit..n stop all tis p...

just leave me out of ur cold war...its painful even to be the audience..

posted by Siti Nuraishah @ 1:00 AM